i spend the majority of my days waiting for the sun to dip under the horizon so that i can board a motorized carriage with a group of strangers and reclaim my own wants and desires during the cold embrace of night.
there are many, born under a more fortunate sun than i, for whom this is not an issue. for them, the sun rises and shines opportunity instead of servitude. i do not envy them . . . for fortune is cruel and operates under the fault of none.
at this time it is only the happy and mediocre that i envy. their dull, vapid faces stare back at me from behind convenience store counters and across from bus aisles, void of any desire for something more and completely contented in their nothingness.
their faces serve as a constant reminder of my failure to be content, my failure to feel adequate, my failure to see myself as something more than a slowly dispersing body of particles on a blue dot spinning around the sun.
perspective is everything and, in a way, these “mediocre” individuals are stronger and more intelligent than i am . . . for they have come to terms with their nothingness and embrace their self death and servitude with a happy smile and positive outlook.
still, i’ve never believed that people were built to live life counting down the day until night swallows the sun to embrace us in slumber . . . but, here we are, living now . . . so it appears that we’re built for anything.